Tag Archives: children

May1

The Truth About Doing Right

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The Truth About Doing Right

I was reminded of something yesterday by my 8 year old: doing right isn’t always easy! We were having a talk about her attitude and the way she had responded to the instructions I gave. Since those instructions went against what she wanted to do, she used her eyes (rolling), her body (shoulders slumping, arms crossing), and her head (leaning to the side) to say what she knew she couldn’t say with her mouth.

In the middle of our conversation, before her attitude changed, she said in a very frustrated voice, “You act like doing right is SO easy, but it’s NOT!” While I agreed with her that it isn’t easy to have the right reaction all the time, I also had to speak truth. The Bible doesn’t say that children should obey, when it is easy. It doesn’t say that they should be diligent and work hard, when the work is fun to do. It doesn’t say that they should live peaceably with their brothers and sisters, unless they are being really mean. There are no exceptions. The Bible simply says to obey, to work hard, to live peaceably.

I am not changing my expectation–that they do right–but I do want to change the way I view their sin. Because they are sinners, I should expect that I will get a sinful reaction sometimes. If I anticipate a wrong reaction, maybe I can remind them BEFORE they roll their eyes to keep self control over their actions. If they do react in sin, maybe it will help my approach to correction to be more gentle and patient.

Remember we are training them to become adults. We’re helping them along until they are mature enough to make the right choices on their own. Until then, let’s show them an example of the Lord’s longsuffering, and deal graciously with them.

Mar19

Guest Post By My Kids!

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Guest Post By My Kids!

Ok. Sometimes my kids can come up with some creative ideas. I wanted to share their ideas because if it works for them, then it might work for your kids!

First, a compact individual storage container for crayons on the go! This is simply an empty Mentos Gum tube that is the perfect size for 7-8 crayons. When I take the kids on the trip to Grandma’s house, I rarely let them take crayons. The reason being that the one time I allowed it, the entire box of crayons was spilled multiple times. I ended up with crayon wrappers and shavings all over the back of my van. This way, they have a few colors that can all be kept neat and tidy in this little container. Props to my 3 year old, Grant, for coming up with this idea!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Second, a way to burn energy on those rainy days that the kids are stuck in the house! (and work on their coordination and balance at the same time) This is a beautiful winter scarf that, believe it or not, has lasted over 2 years for my daughter. Now, it is being re-purposed into an exercise program. Lay the scarf out lengthwise, as shown in this picture, to practice beginning jumps.

 

 

You can do these at your own pace, or crank up some music to keep you in time. Jump ‘forward’ then ‘backward’, being careful not to step on the scarf. Start with both legs, then try just one. If only 1 person is jumping, then try to get from one end to the other without stepping on the scarf. Then, when you feel like you’re ready for something more advanced, fold it up as shown in picture #2. This one is a bit more tricky–add some side steps. Now it is ‘forward’, ‘backward’, ‘right side’, ‘left side’. If you are really adventurous, allow a family member to call your next step for you. Since your mind isn’t calling the shots, it makes the jumps even more difficult. This fun activity brought to you by my 8 year old, Miranda!

 

 

 

 

 

We’ll save ideas from Clare and Elsie for another post. Let me know if your kids were able to use these ideas!

Mar15

Training What?

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Training What?

After writing about the meaning of the word here and here, I wanted to apply the definition of “train”, and list an example of exactly WHAT we should be correcting.

The Bible  is not a step by step instruction manual listing every problem we will face, along with a solution to fix the problem. If my child is screaming at the top of his lungs at me, I cannot go find a passage and a verse that tells me how to make him stop. This is where parents must use their God-given wisdom to know what to do. But guess what? I’m human. There will be times when I do not carry out my correction the way I should. There will also be times when I am convinced that the way I’m doing things is right, only to have someone else suggest a better way. I have to be humble enough to consider ideas from others. Which is why I stress right now that any ideas shared here on my blog are for you to consider—not simply to follow like a rule book. Compare my thoughts to what you read in Scripture, then determine for yourself if these thoughts go along with what God has provided. I would never be offended if you simply disagree with me. And I welcome discussion. Leave a comment or send me an email!

Now, let’s take another look at the example I talked about in the previous paragraph. Say I just asked one of my kids to go switch the laundry from the washer to the dryer. Instead of doing so with a happy heart, that child turns to me with an angry look and says, “Why do I ALWAYS have to do it?! Can’t you just do it this time. I HATE doing laundry.”

As a parent I’m faced with a choice. I can correct this behavior, or I can let it go. Is there anything wrong with NOT correcting them?  The Bible doesn’t specifically say, “Children, do not yell.”  Yelling may have its place, like when they are outside playing and yelling back and forth, or if they are hurt or in danger. So I cannot correct the yelling because yelling is not a sin. However in this example, there are a couple of things going on that do need correcting. 1) The child did not obey. Ephesians 6 tells children to obey. 2) The child did not show honor. Ephesians 6 also says to honor (this word actually means to “act as if something is valuable to you”). 3) The child is showing laziness. There are MANY verses in Proverbs that speak to laziness (slothfulness, sluggard, etc.), and it is never a good thing.

It is important here, not to try to get a small child to remember 3 things that they did wrong. It will not happen, and they will walk away from your correction having learned nothing. The point of the correction is to “prune the diseased limbs” and to “get them on the right path”. So choose one sin, and deal with it accordingly. Help them see what they did wrong, make sure they understand what the right way would have been, so that next time they know how to do it correctly.

This is simply a fictitious example of ANY child talking to ANY parent (though I must admit I have heard these statements before). The laundry example could be replaced with any number of instructions given by a parent. The words spoken by the child could be changed. Good training is seeing past the bad behavior, or “acting out”, and helping the child see where their choices are violating Scripture. After all, as adults this is our primary concern. We don’t have parents telling us what to do now, so we must recognize when our choices and behaviors are violating God’s Word. And we are training our children into adulthood!

Mar7

In-House Training, Continued

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In-House Training, Continued

Yesterday, I began writing about what it means to “train” my children. Today, I want to finish up my thoughts based on the simple definition of the word.

TRAIN:

3)To teach so as to make fit, qualified, or proficient

What goal are we heading toward in training our children? They will not be OURS to train forever because some day, they will part ways with Mom and Dad. Whether it be for a job, college, or a spouse, they will be making their own decisions. We are teaching them now, so they can become “fit, qualified, and proficient” adults.

It helps me to remember the reason I am correcting them RIGHT NOW. I do not allow them to rebel against my authority, without consequence, right now, because I am training them to submit to the authority of a boss (or some other authority) in the future. The goal of our training? To prepare them for the rest of their life.

4)To make prepared (as by exercise) for a test of skill

What does an athlete do in preparation for competition? What does a musician do in preparation for a performance? Practice, practice, practice.

Now picture this. I walk by the shoe closet and find 2 pairs of socks lying on the floor. How many times have I asked the kids NOT to leave their socks by the front door? I have asked them multiple times to come back, pick up their socks, and put them in the dirty clothes basket. Yet once again, the socks are here in the floor. Now is when this definition makes the most sense to me. I am training them for the test of adulthood, and it will not happen overnight. Just as an athlete must do the same exercises over and over, so must I help my children practice the right behavior as many times as is necessary for them to master it.

Having a clear picture of what it means to train was the starting point for me. I know I am capable of the training because God gave my children to me. I also know that it will require work on my part. If that gardener decided to walk out of his garden after planting in the spring, and not come back until fall when it was time for harvest, he would be in for a rude awakening. Without his constant care, it would be overgrown with weeds and possibly disease. I want to give what it takes to help my children mature into adulthood with one focus, to glorify God in everything they do.

Mar6

In-House Training

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In-House Training

When we are blessed with children, we are also given a responsibility. You have probably heard the verse I am referring to many times: “Train up a child…” (Pr. 22:6) Each parent has to decide, “Will I train my kids or leave them to figure out life on their own?”

When we accept the responsibility of training our children, what exactly are we committing to? What does it mean to train? I wanted to study and apply this word in my own parenting, and here are some of my results.

First, I decided to get an actual definition for the word ‘train’ from Mirriam-Webster Dictionary. Each variance gave me new insight into what training actually means. So much is crammed into this little 5 letter word that if I stopped here, I would have my work cut out for me! Today, I will share the first 2 definitions and how they apply to raising kids, and tomorrow I’ll post the rest.

TRAIN:

1)To direct the growth of (a plant) usually by bending, pruning, and tying

Tomatoes, tied to stakes to keep them growing straight

Obviously, our children are not plants. However, it created a picture in my mind of a horticulturist tying plants to a stake to strengthen the plant. Or possibly clipping off a diseased stem to keep the rest of the plant healthy. The “bending, pruning, and tying” is not intended to be harmful for the plant—these purposeful cuts are for the good of the plant.

Children need this kind of attention from their parents. When I see something developing in my child that might cause harm (now or in the future), it is my responsibility to carefully and gently train them in right direction.

 

 

2)To form by instruction, discipline, or drill

This definition at first made me think of a drill sergeant. I can see him standing in front of a group of soldiers, directing their every move with his commands. But if you look at the WHOLE definition, there are three things that go hand in hand to complete this definition of ‘training’. What I find really interesting and amazing is that we have already been told what to use for this process—the Scriptures! (2 Tim. 3:16) The Scriptures are profitable to instruct us, to correct us, and to train us. So as a parent, we can be confident that teaching our children the Scriptures will be profitable to them. This is why I believe it is important to bring every thought and action back to the Bible when instructing them, correcting them, and ‘drilling’ them. This is a BIG ONE, so I’ll talk more about this later on in this series.

Tomorrow, I will list the last two definitions that not only talk about the action of training, but the goal. Click here to view the 2nd post.

 

Photo #1 Jason and Elsie, taken by A Lot Like Love Photography

Photo #2  Wikipedia